So the blog is over. It was a fun experience but ultimately destroyed itself. The thing is, I really enjoyed doing the blog, but felt censored due to people from real-life, in my person life, knowing it was me writing. I couldn't really say some things knowing everyone was reading.
A new blog will be up soon but under a different account and an alias. No one from my real life will know about it, not because I necessarily have something bad to say, I just want to be able to say it if I need to.
So with that:
Godzwilla versus Japan..
The winner?
The Megamac. I swear to God did you SEE THAT THING?!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Godzilla hits the Q&A Mailbox #1
As you all know, this week initiates my new practice of answering YOUR questions about Japan and Japanese. So I really appreciate all the emails that have come in, with both support and questions, on this new endeavor.
Oh wait, nobody sent any email. I hate you all.
BUT, redemption is not out of your reach. Next week I'd like each of you to think of a question about Japan, and send it in to godzwilla@gmail.com.
...
Seriously? NOBODY had any questions? Not even a "How are you?" I mean, my life isn't all shits 'n giggles, you know. I have a relationship, a school, even an imaginary pet squirrel named Mr. Nutsenburg who causes trouble to no end. Sigh...well, this is ALL going into my fanfic.
I want some emails damnit.
Oh wait, nobody sent any email. I hate you all.
BUT, redemption is not out of your reach. Next week I'd like each of you to think of a question about Japan, and send it in to godzwilla@gmail.com.
...
Seriously? NOBODY had any questions? Not even a "How are you?" I mean, my life isn't all shits 'n giggles, you know. I have a relationship, a school, even an imaginary pet squirrel named Mr. Nutsenburg who causes trouble to no end. Sigh...well, this is ALL going into my fanfic.
I want some emails damnit.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Godzwilla and an ATM from Hell
Note: You'll notice that I now have video and pictures, linked in the top right column of the blog. The videos will be rather frequently updated but pictures will be monthly, as flickr accounts are expensive and I have a space limit. As such, I am expecti....I am OPEN to flickr account donations.
So Japanese money can, at sometimes, be a bit tricky. One dollar is equal to (about) one-hundred yen. A yen is essentially a penny. So if you want to say $40.00, you say 4,000 yen. And 4,000 yen just happens to be the amount of money I wanted from the ATM recently. However, I was immediately attacked by the freaking Hitler of ATMs.
Godzwilla, while awesome though he is, CAN be defeated.
I arrived at the ATM and naturally the line was freaking HUGE. 20 people, literally circling the ATM in a spiral line. After about 20 minutes, I get to the machine. Naturally, it's all in Japanese. "Duh" you may ignorantly reply. But you see, I have found the only ATM in Japan that doesn't offer an English submenu. All ATMs are legally supposed to be bi-lingual now.
I manage to sort my way through the menus and make it to the withdrawal page. It's at this time that the A(dolph)TM decides "Hiz money, much likez da Switzerland, IZ MINEZ" and freezes. I wait, in panic, for 10 minutes at this ATM as the line gets longer behind me. Instead of acknowledging there was a problem, of course, I decided to press the unresponsive screen randomly to keep up the lie that everything was ok. After 5 more minutes, someone in line builds up the courage to speak to me and immediately points out that you have to press "Accept" on the num-pad, not the touch-screen.
"Ah..."
Alright, so we're golden. Sunset's coming up, flowers blooming, etc.. I type in my desired amount of yen, 4000, and away we g-...the hell? Had I not stopped myself, I would have just entered $4,000 as my desired withdrawal.
Well at this point, I'm pissed. The ATM doesn't have English (I'll bet the nazi bastard had German) but when it detected my foreign ATM card, it immediately set everything into dollars. I almost overdrafted my account by $3,900 (I'm poor damnit) and been screwed to the wall. The line was so long that I was literally standing next to the person at the end of the line (it spirals around the ATM) and I'd been there for literally 13 minutes by now. But I NEEDED some cash. I reset everything, went back to the withdrawal page, and entered 40 dollars. Out pops 40 yen (40 cents) and a receipt.
"Oh hell no."
The ATM had decided to, again, screw with me by turning the currency BACK into yen. I had typed in "40 yen" and gotten 40 cents. And you know what? There's a baseline charge of $2.50 to my account for withdrawals here. I just lost $1.10, 15 minutes of my life, and any shred of respect from 20-odd Japanese people. Took my change and left, humiliated.
Could've been worse though, right?.....right?
*sigh*
So Japanese money can, at sometimes, be a bit tricky. One dollar is equal to (about) one-hundred yen. A yen is essentially a penny. So if you want to say $40.00, you say 4,000 yen. And 4,000 yen just happens to be the amount of money I wanted from the ATM recently. However, I was immediately attacked by the freaking Hitler of ATMs.
Godzwilla, while awesome though he is, CAN be defeated.
I arrived at the ATM and naturally the line was freaking HUGE. 20 people, literally circling the ATM in a spiral line. After about 20 minutes, I get to the machine. Naturally, it's all in Japanese. "Duh" you may ignorantly reply. But you see, I have found the only ATM in Japan that doesn't offer an English submenu. All ATMs are legally supposed to be bi-lingual now.
I manage to sort my way through the menus and make it to the withdrawal page. It's at this time that the A(dolph)TM decides "Hiz money, much likez da Switzerland, IZ MINEZ" and freezes. I wait, in panic, for 10 minutes at this ATM as the line gets longer behind me. Instead of acknowledging there was a problem, of course, I decided to press the unresponsive screen randomly to keep up the lie that everything was ok. After 5 more minutes, someone in line builds up the courage to speak to me and immediately points out that you have to press "Accept" on the num-pad, not the touch-screen.
"Ah..."
Alright, so we're golden. Sunset's coming up, flowers blooming, etc.. I type in my desired amount of yen, 4000, and away we g-...the hell? Had I not stopped myself, I would have just entered $4,000 as my desired withdrawal.
Well at this point, I'm pissed. The ATM doesn't have English (I'll bet the nazi bastard had German) but when it detected my foreign ATM card, it immediately set everything into dollars. I almost overdrafted my account by $3,900 (I'm poor damnit) and been screwed to the wall. The line was so long that I was literally standing next to the person at the end of the line (it spirals around the ATM) and I'd been there for literally 13 minutes by now. But I NEEDED some cash. I reset everything, went back to the withdrawal page, and entered 40 dollars. Out pops 40 yen (40 cents) and a receipt.
"Oh hell no."
The ATM had decided to, again, screw with me by turning the currency BACK into yen. I had typed in "40 yen" and gotten 40 cents. And you know what? There's a baseline charge of $2.50 to my account for withdrawals here. I just lost $1.10, 15 minutes of my life, and any shred of respect from 20-odd Japanese people. Took my change and left, humiliated.
Could've been worse though, right?.....right?
*sigh*
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Godzwilla Doesn't Take a Bath. Problems ensue.
Note: I'm slowly moving away from the "Godzwilla versus ____" template because I feel like using it is restricting the kind of topics I can discuss. Sometimes I'll bring it back if I'm in confrontation with something but don't expect it to be a regular tradition anymore.
Did you know that one of the most prevalent stereotypes about foreigners in Japan is that we smell bad? It's all very complicated and, as this is a stereotype, totally bullshitscular. Bullshitastic, if you will.
It's because we don't take bathes.
In Japan, the bathing ritual is both traditional (like religion) and contradictory (like reli...whoops, almost alienated my religious fans). The typical setup is that the bathwater is drawn at say, around 6pm. The "bath" and "shower" are not one in the same, as the shower is actually separate from the bath tub. Then, following a series of hierarchy and politeness, the first person (typically the Father) will go into the bathroom, shower briefly, and get in the tub. I have no information as to exactly what they do in there but for the sake of educated guessing we'll just assume he's plotting to kill his own family to avoid debt or something else that would never happen.* Then he gets out, takes a longer shower, and lets the next person repeat the process.
So the Japanese are all very clean, right? And we foreigners are naturally dirtier because we only take showers. Thus, we must smell.
Except the Japanese share the same bathwater.
I want you to really soak in the irony here. Enjoy it. It's wonderful. Foreigners smell bad because we don't take bathes in water that has already been bathed in. I mean, where's the flaw in logic here?
I actually don't mind the stereotype so much. Japan's a country and deserves to believe whatever fallicies and BLATANT SLANDER OMG I WILL SO SUE YOU!!!....*cough*. I mean, Japan can believe whatever it wants to. Where's the harm?
My girlfriend is now CRITICIZING me for not using the bathwater. I told her that if she wanted me to take a bath, then Godzwilla requires to be first. It went a bit like this:
GF: "Don't you think it'd be better to take a bath? People wouldn't say you smell."
Godz: "No, they would still say it, except then I could yell back 'I took a bath!' and it'd get really awkward for everyone."
GF: "It's already awkward for everyone because you smell bad."
Godz: "You're only saying that because I don't take a bath. It's irrelevant that I actually do smell bad. Not all of us foreigners smell like I do."
GF: "Nice."
Godz: "I'm not proud of that argument but damnit I'm right."
...Cause damnit, I'm RIGHT.
-------------------------------
Don't forget, starting next week I'll be answering questions from YOU, my (un?)faithful readers. Send any and all questions, comments, annoying penis-enlarging spam emails (I KNOW you're the ones sending it), or complaints to godzwilla@gmail.com
Did you know that one of the most prevalent stereotypes about foreigners in Japan is that we smell bad? It's all very complicated and, as this is a stereotype, totally bullshitscular. Bullshitastic, if you will.
It's because we don't take bathes.
In Japan, the bathing ritual is both traditional (like religion) and contradictory (like reli...whoops, almost alienated my religious fans). The typical setup is that the bathwater is drawn at say, around 6pm. The "bath" and "shower" are not one in the same, as the shower is actually separate from the bath tub. Then, following a series of hierarchy and politeness, the first person (typically the Father) will go into the bathroom, shower briefly, and get in the tub. I have no information as to exactly what they do in there but for the sake of educated guessing we'll just assume he's plotting to kill his own family to avoid debt or something else that would never happen.* Then he gets out, takes a longer shower, and lets the next person repeat the process.
So the Japanese are all very clean, right? And we foreigners are naturally dirtier because we only take showers. Thus, we must smell.
Except the Japanese share the same bathwater.
I want you to really soak in the irony here. Enjoy it. It's wonderful. Foreigners smell bad because we don't take bathes in water that has already been bathed in. I mean, where's the flaw in logic here?
I actually don't mind the stereotype so much. Japan's a country and deserves to believe whatever fallicies and BLATANT SLANDER OMG I WILL SO SUE YOU!!!....*cough*. I mean, Japan can believe whatever it wants to. Where's the harm?
My girlfriend is now CRITICIZING me for not using the bathwater. I told her that if she wanted me to take a bath, then Godzwilla requires to be first. It went a bit like this:
GF: "Don't you think it'd be better to take a bath? People wouldn't say you smell."
Godz: "No, they would still say it, except then I could yell back 'I took a bath!' and it'd get really awkward for everyone."
GF: "It's already awkward for everyone because you smell bad."
Godz: "You're only saying that because I don't take a bath. It's irrelevant that I actually do smell bad. Not all of us foreigners smell like I do."
GF: "Nice."
Godz: "I'm not proud of that argument but damnit I'm right."
...Cause damnit, I'm RIGHT.
-------------------------------
Don't forget, starting next week I'll be answering questions from YOU, my (un?)faithful readers. Send any and all questions, comments, annoying penis-enlarging spam emails (I KNOW you're the ones sending it), or complaints to godzwilla@gmail.com
Friday, August 29, 2008
Godzwilla Makes an Announcement
Are you interested in Japan? Do you have questions about life here?
Well good news, because next week I'll be starting my "Questions and Answers" tradition! Each week I'll be answering any and all Japan-related questions. If I don't know the answer I will go out into the country and find it. No, seriously. I mean, probably not. But I'll make something up if I don't know the right answer. Just as good, eh? DON'T JUDGE ME.
*ahem*
Send all Japan-related questions to godzwilla@gmail.com ! Considering I have, MAYBE, 7 readers, you're questions are guaranteed to be picked.
Well good news, because next week I'll be starting my "Questions and Answers" tradition! Each week I'll be answering any and all Japan-related questions. If I don't know the answer I will go out into the country and find it. No, seriously. I mean, probably not. But I'll make something up if I don't know the right answer. Just as good, eh? DON'T JUDGE ME.
*ahem*
Send all Japan-related questions to godzwilla@gmail.com ! Considering I have, MAYBE, 7 readers, you're questions are guaranteed to be picked.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Godzwilla versus A Blind Woman,
Holy crap holy crap holy crap I am so going to hell!
First, you need to understand that Japanese trains are a rough affair. You need to push to get somewhere. Even with my Gaijin aura, Japanese people have their patented "Indifference Shield" that lets them look down and pretend they can't hear you ask to get by.
I mean...ALL day, every day, I have to push through to get off the trains. Everyone does it. We aren't talking, like, a BIG push. It's more like a forceful nudge. Halfway through it, people will start moving on their own. I will typically try a "Sumimasen?" ("Excuse Me?") to get by at first, but it never works. Earlier today I decided against it and just went straight to the push, because the old woman in front of me was already looking down and I assumed she was ignoring me (on purpose). So it's not like I did something wrong, right?
Besides...sortof...pushing an old, blind woman down.
...
I wish I had a joke right now but the image of an old, blind woman trying to get up is haunting me.
My first instinct was to try and help, but someone beat me to it and threw out a "Stupid gaijins ("foreigners", remember?)" remark so I felt that going back was out of the question.
Holy crap I pushed over a blind woman.
Godzwilla versus a Blind Woman?
The winner: Nobody is a winner when a blind person gets pushed down. (But technically, Godzwila won.)
First, you need to understand that Japanese trains are a rough affair. You need to push to get somewhere. Even with my Gaijin aura, Japanese people have their patented "Indifference Shield" that lets them look down and pretend they can't hear you ask to get by.
I mean...ALL day, every day, I have to push through to get off the trains. Everyone does it. We aren't talking, like, a BIG push. It's more like a forceful nudge. Halfway through it, people will start moving on their own. I will typically try a "Sumimasen?" ("Excuse Me?") to get by at first, but it never works. Earlier today I decided against it and just went straight to the push, because the old woman in front of me was already looking down and I assumed she was ignoring me (on purpose). So it's not like I did something wrong, right?
Besides...sortof...pushing an old, blind woman down.
...
I wish I had a joke right now but the image of an old, blind woman trying to get up is haunting me.
My first instinct was to try and help, but someone beat me to it and threw out a "Stupid gaijins ("foreigners", remember?)" remark so I felt that going back was out of the question.
Holy crap I pushed over a blind woman.
Godzwilla versus a Blind Woman?
The winner: Nobody is a winner when a blind person gets pushed down. (But technically, Godzwila won.)
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Godzwilla versus Japanese Comedians
We all knew this day would come.
So Japanese comedians are actually quite different than their American counterparts. Our typical image of the comedian is a someone on stage with a mic for 20-30 minutes, telling jokes, maybe a little "character" play. Someone like Steven Colbert has his super-conservative impression, Dane Cook has that "I'm not funny" thing going for him, and Bernie Mac...ok, even I'm not making fun of a dead guy. It's all good.
But our comedians are at least...y'know, funny?
Japanese comedians are on stage for 2-3 minutes and typically have a tired routine they'll do over and over and over. They're not comedians because they literally have a hundred variations on the same joke. That brings me to Edo Harumi.
http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=PGiQQ5EmgGo
...So I can't upload the actual video to the blog. Just click a link, it won't kill you. I'd have to code for like...4 minutes to get a video going. Nag nag nag...
Edo Harumi is famous for giving the "thumbs up" gesture and saying "Gooo" ("Good" for the 95% of you that didn't click the link) to the result of hysteric laughter from Japanese people. They think its clever even though I've only been here a month or two and I've seen it 10 or 11 times on tv.
Then, maybe worse, you have Nezumi-senpai. You may actually have heard of him, and if you have, you've heard the truth. He really IS that bad of a singer.
http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=3u8QGgQSFiM
In Japan, Nezumi-senpai is what you call a "Singa-Comidia" (Singer-Comedian). His humor, like Weird Al or Jonathon Coulton, comes from his music...and his ridiculous fashion choices. But mostly the music. In the link there you'll see that after the halfway mark, the entire song is the word "Po" over and over again. Popopopopopopo-KILLMEHAVEMERCY-popopopopopopopo...
The humor comes from being surprised at how many Po's he can fit into the song. Even though we've all see his song a few times on tv (with Po-counters...204 Po's total), everyone laughs when he pauses and sings the "unexpected" Po's.
Worse than all of this, it's actually rare to see the comedians do their routines. If you see them on tv, it's likely they are actually just doing guest roles on tv game shows. And yes, tv game shows WILL get their own blog entry, you'd best believe it. But for now, just know that Japanese game shows are essentially 3 contestants and 30 (not an exaggeration) "famous" people. Usually they're comedians. Or famous people with careers in the can. Or, much more likely, each person is a bit of both.
Godzwilla versus Japanese Hacks...*cough*..."Comedians"?
The winner: "Popopopopopopopo-"*gunshot sound*.....Godzwilla, if my dream of actually doing this comes true.
So Japanese comedians are actually quite different than their American counterparts. Our typical image of the comedian is a someone on stage with a mic for 20-30 minutes, telling jokes, maybe a little "character" play. Someone like Steven Colbert has his super-conservative impression, Dane Cook has that "I'm not funny" thing going for him, and Bernie Mac...ok, even I'm not making fun of a dead guy. It's all good.
But our comedians are at least...y'know, funny?
Japanese comedians are on stage for 2-3 minutes and typically have a tired routine they'll do over and over and over. They're not comedians because they literally have a hundred variations on the same joke. That brings me to Edo Harumi.
http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=PGiQQ5EmgGo
...So I can't upload the actual video to the blog. Just click a link, it won't kill you. I'd have to code for like...4 minutes to get a video going. Nag nag nag...
Edo Harumi is famous for giving the "thumbs up" gesture and saying "Gooo" ("Good" for the 95% of you that didn't click the link) to the result of hysteric laughter from Japanese people. They think its clever even though I've only been here a month or two and I've seen it 10 or 11 times on tv.
Then, maybe worse, you have Nezumi-senpai. You may actually have heard of him, and if you have, you've heard the truth. He really IS that bad of a singer.
http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=3u8QGgQSFiM
In Japan, Nezumi-senpai is what you call a "Singa-Comidia" (Singer-Comedian). His humor, like Weird Al or Jonathon Coulton, comes from his music...and his ridiculous fashion choices. But mostly the music. In the link there you'll see that after the halfway mark, the entire song is the word "Po" over and over again. Popopopopopopo-KILLMEHAVEMERCY-popopopopopopopo...
The humor comes from being surprised at how many Po's he can fit into the song. Even though we've all see his song a few times on tv (with Po-counters...204 Po's total), everyone laughs when he pauses and sings the "unexpected" Po's.
Worse than all of this, it's actually rare to see the comedians do their routines. If you see them on tv, it's likely they are actually just doing guest roles on tv game shows. And yes, tv game shows WILL get their own blog entry, you'd best believe it. But for now, just know that Japanese game shows are essentially 3 contestants and 30 (not an exaggeration) "famous" people. Usually they're comedians. Or famous people with careers in the can. Or, much more likely, each person is a bit of both.
Godzwilla versus Japanese Hacks...*cough*..."Comedians"?
The winner: "Popopopopopopopo-"*gunshot sound*.....Godzwilla, if my dream of actually doing this comes true.
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